You are certainly busier than to think of matters in abstract. You are more engaged in practical life and struggle than giving time to Self Realization topics and discussing the factors of life in more elusive terms. But is busy-ness, I may term it so, enough for leading the life ahead? And Is our only goal to lead the life ahead?
I don’t know the answers, don’t know if I am asking the right questions.
But what’s certain is that you have to take some time out; out of routine, out of busy-ness, out of your present frame and convince yourself to think of nothing or nothingness. That’s what I want to say; think of nothing, or just term it anyway you wish. And that nothingness settles you to thinking about the only world of truth, YOURSELF.
Nobody has a good perception about the word, Prison, but I do. Though here, inside the prison, the living standard is a free five star hotel package, but we’re deprived of freedom and that makes it a prison. 24/ 7 we’re locked in an area of 600 square meter double story building with its rather small premises. No doubt, there is no joy like being free.
There always exists the negative in life’s affairs but we should take up the positive ones and improve them to our best. Imprisonment has stolen much of the material accomplishments which I could have made otherwise but, nevertheless, has gifted me with a deep insight into self and the world. Inside here I have found myself another being. I have accomplished elusive matters I was never able to before. For the first time in my life, I have understood the depths of Iqbal’s poetry, studied Afghanistan’s history partially but enough, understood the fundamental philosophy (whys and why nots) of my religion, accomplished to comprehend the Tafseel of many chapters of the Holy book. The last six and a half month, I have discovered the seriousness of the matters which I couldn’t at any University class. I have, for the first time, skimmed a little of history of the English Literature, completed reading 3 novels so far and glimpsed many others, completed some plays of Shakespeare along with critical and literature notes.
I never understood philosophy, not even now. I studied great notes on it here and now familiar with the basics as is enough for myself. I follow the daily news and opinions; I have studied some chapters of sociology and political science. Only now do I understand the importance of studying economics which I never knew back there in Quetta.
The list will go on as long as I keep digging the matter.
As many young people in Quetta, my mind was the dark cave of confusions, contradictions and elusive matters. I was never satisfied with anything. On analyzing my recent past, I realize all that I suffered had been due to lack of belief and hectic life style. No doubt that I was busy and this indulgence of mine kept me at the surface-level-understanding of life matters. It never let my thoughts penetrate some deeper into the question ‘what really my life is meant to be?’ All I was doing was managing between the daily appointments of everyday life. I made good assignments for Uni-classes in haste, but I never got the time to sit aside and thing of the topics critically. I taught my students some grammar points but it was just to fulfill the syllabus. I never thought of why at all I had been teaching. Never did I think about how helpful the language can be to us. Actually, there was no time to think. The daily 24 hours were barely enough to fulfill your tasks, not for to think the logic of the tasks.
But now things are more certain for me. I am not as confused as used to be. I have to manage my time, control my emotions, desires, wishes and actions. The changes I feel are immense. I even have started dealing differently now with people, it’s has grown better. I remember the first days here, I’m not the same person anymore, I’m sure.
I remember my friend quoted, ‘life’s half past by the time we know what it means and the other half struggling for it.’
Shortly, I feel like I had been crumbling down there in the crowd all the past years while, now, I feel like having a satellite-eye on the matters of life. To me the same world has changed into something new. The last six and a half month, I have discovered the seriousness of the matters which I couldn’t at any University class.
Whether these are facts or my illusions, I owe them to isolation in this Prison. Oh! I hate being here; want to get out of this hell.
I don’t know what to write next or how to conclude this piece. My ideas presented may be vague. It’s because still I don’t know how to bring my thoughts into words. But hope you find something for yourself in it.